What I've learned from eHarmony.com.

Confession: I am a subscriber to the infamous dating website, eHarmony.com.

Second confession: This is not the first time I've been on the site.

Several years back, my college roommate sent me an Instant Message. (Like, on AIM. Yes, this was several years back.) She was newly married to her college sweetheart, about to purchase a house, living the dream. As we chatted, she started asking me strange questions.

"Would you date a guy who had been divorced?"
"Would you ever date a guy who already kids?"
"Would you ever relocate for a relationship?"
"How do you feel about a guy that has a cat?"

In a few minutes, she supplied me with the login and password for the eHarmony account she had created for me.

I laughed, but then got curious. They had a special going on, so....why not? Worth a shot.

Nothing ever came of it, but I boomeranged back and forth to the site as they had specials. And let me tell you.....the stories I have could keep you entertained for hours (ask my teammates from the summer). This last time I was bored and there was a special. It seemed as good a shot as any, as I had no time whatsoever to go out and meet anyone and there wasn't exactly an overabundance of single men at work or church. Again, nothing has come of it (yet?), but this time around I have realized a few things that I thought I would post here for any men on eHarmony.

WAYS TO GUARANTEE I WILL NOT COMMUNICATE WITH YOU:

1. Make your profile pic a selfie of you in the bathroom mirror. Bonus (negative) points if your shirt is off.
2. Upload other pics that include sitting in your car with your sunglasses on (selfie, of course), pics with your cat, and pics where we can clearly see that your ex-girlfriend has been cropped out.
3. List "Jesus" as the most influential person in your life. I mean, I love Jesus as much as the next girl, but come on.
4. Don't post your real name. Obviously, if your name is "Mr. Right", I'm going to be sucked right in. Where have you been all my life?!
5. List your passion as "living life to the fullest". I was really hoping for someone that just wanted to get a little out of life. Dang.
6. Under "last book you read", list any of the Twilight series.
7. To the question "What is the most important quality you are looking for in a partner?", answer anything about looks. If that is the MOST IMPORTANT quality.....move on. 

Other things I've learned:

• If his profile pic is a group pic and you find yourself saying "please be that guy, please be that guy".....it won't be. Guaranteed.
• If he seems too good to be true....he probably is. I'm convinced some of those profiles are just there to keep you interested. 
•  It is pretty much a guarantee that you will get matched with at least three people you know. And it's SUPER awkward.
•  There is no easy way to transfer from talking on eHarmony to talking in the real world, but Facebook makes it easier.
• On that note, if you do that, you will end up with multiple FB friends that are failed eHarmony attempts. Just embrace it.

So to my single girlfriends...it's not an entirely bad investment, and you're guaranteed to get some good stories out of it.

And to my single guy friends....if you're going to do it, make it worth the time of the girls you're matched with.

And to everyone....call me if you want to hear some awesome stories.