The Plan.

Meet 17-year old K'Lynn. 

Aw. Isn't she cute?

If you could travel back in time and sit down with 17-year old K'Lynn (preferably over coffee, because she would think she was SO cool to be having a conversation over coffee) and ask her where she though she would be at age 27, here's what she would probably say:

"27? Oh, by 27 I will have been married to my husband (who I met in college) for 5 or 6 years. We'll live in a big city suburb in our beautiful home with....probably 3 kids, I guess, by 27. I'll be an English teacher at a big high school where I also teach Theatre, so I'll probably be making good money. My husband will definitely either be a youth minister or pastor. I'm called to be a minister's wife. I definitely think that's a calling, and the Lord has definitely called me to that."

Now, please don't bother pointing out the logical errors of the above statement. 17-year old K'Lynn did not understand that big high schools don't need to double up their English/Theatre teachers and that, no matter what you're teaching, you're never going to make good money. She also didn't understand that you're way more likely to be in a tiny apartment at 27 than a big, beautiful suburban home, and don't even THINK about suggesting that she wouldn't be married. That is NOT the plan.

The plan. Dangerous words.

Let's go ahead and fast forward. Ten years later.

Here's how things actually are: I am a teacher....at least I got that part. The cool thing is, I'm only teaching Theatre. And it's awesome. But I'm by no means rich (not surprisingly). I live in a not-so-large city in a tiny apartment. It's great, but it's incredibly small. There's no husband, there's no children. There is a dog.

Come on. How cute is she?

And for the record, I no longer feel "called" to marry a vocational minister. I don't mean to demean anyone who does feel that way. I know now, though, that my "calling" stemmed from a misguided belief that only a pastor, or youth minister, or maybe a music minister could be a spiritual leader for the family I dreamed of having. How ridiculous. Thankfully, through the example of many Godly men, I have realized that every single believer is called to be a minister, and there are many men out there who work in schools, factories, office buildings, etc who love the Lord and lead their families well. Phew. Lots of pressure off there.

The issue with all of this, and what I so desperately want to communicate to women who are disappointed in where they are  in life, is that I was creating my plan. I was so concerned with what I thought would make me happy and fulfilled that I completely forgot that I've got a supreme Author writing my story.

"The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." --Proverbs 16:9

This could not describe me more perfectly. In planning my way, I forgot Who was establishing my steps. The issue here is not just a lack of confidence in the plan the Lord has for me, but the fact that for a while, I was extremely disappointed in the fact that my life didn't go the way I planned. I passed 22 up without a ring on my finger. 24 came and went with no babies to show for it. And I was distraught. How could God do this to me? This wasn't the plan. 

And then, around 25, things changed. I can't pinpoint exactly what brought this about, but my vision suddenly cleared, and it didn't seem so miserable anymore. No, I wasn't married, and no, I didn't have children or a big suburban house--but because of those things, I went on mission trips. I traveled with summer camp teams. I spent hours at the school I work at, pouring my heart out to students and creative endeavors. I could love on my friends' babies, and then sleep in on Saturday morning. I could save money. If I don't want to cook (which is often lately), cereal or Pei Wei it is. 

The point is, right now, I am a better minister than I could be married. And ultimately, that's what it's about. Not my happiness, my success, or how I look to the people I went to high school with. Someday, my husband (if God chooses that for me) and I will be awesome ministers together. But not now. Right now, it's me. And, Lord willing, I'm going to make the most of every opportunity sent my way as a single lady.

And I'll enjoy sleeping in on Saturdays.